Well this will probably be the first positive blog of mine.
I decided that life is worth living, and i want to get better. I know it's gonna be hard but i actually might make it. I haven't had suicidal thoughts for 5 days. I know it may not be a big achievement but it is to me. I hope the thoughts don't come back. The voices haven't gone away.

Im sick. I hate being sick. Had to stay home. I can't even stay at home alone anymore. Maybe someday.

I don't even know why im writing this. No one even cares.. Maybe i should stop posting. Im just selfish.

My parents are thinking about taking my door off its hinges. Or taking me to a hospital. (i don't want to go, but they've told me they would take me if i needed it) They probably thing im crazy, and that theres something wrong with me. My parents want me to talk but i can't more secrets will slip out. Im so tired of this. I don't want to talk at all anymore. Maybe i should just...

Im so scared. I have a counselling appointment with both of my parents there. To talk about me wanting and trying to kill myself, lying, and me cutting again. Im gonna cry. Show weakness. I hope i can make it through the appointment. I hate my life so much right now. I wish i could just disapear for a month or two.

I promised my parents i wouldnt cut but i don't think i can keep that promise. Its so tempting to cut. Just to feel the pain, and blood will make me calm. It will help....

My life has gotten to a new low. So much worse. My dad decided he wanted to have dinner with me and my mom. (They have been divorced for a long time) He told me they were going to talk to me about my happiness. I was already thought 'oh crap, i really don't want to this'. So we ate then my dad said 'i know you are going to hate me for this, but i read your email' At this time i got and ran to my room crying. I knew he had found out something bad. I locked my bedroom, and was prepared not to come...

Didn't sleep well last night. probably got like 3 hours. I normally get like 7 hours. so im really tired..
I just cut again. I didnt even try to stop myself this time. Didnt see any point in trying not to. It doesnt stop me. Now i have to think if i want to lie to every one again. I probably will. I'll just get in more trouble if i tell the truth.

Today i've just lied in bed, been online, and cut. Im so pathetic. I don't have enough energy to get out of bed. All i want...

This past week was my first week back at school. Felt like shit the whole time. Acted like i was happy, yeah right. Pushed anyone who asked if i was ok away. Just tried not to get noticed.
tried to kill myself again. No one found out. Luckily. I just wish everyone would forget that i existed. Im worthless.
Im such an idiot. I actually believed i was getting better. Im not going to. Im hopeless.
I hate myself. Even a 7 year old me there is something wrong with me, and my...

Happy new years everyone! Hope you all had a good night. And i hope you all have a great year.
I had a good night. Went to my aunts house. Saw my baby cousin. He's 19 months old. So cute. I love him. He's one of the only reasons i stay alive. He makes me happy.
Last night we all sat around playing games and talking.The adults were drunk. My mom let me have spiked eggnog. First time ever having alcohol. My dad would never let me. So another secret to keep.But this one isnt bad....

2011.... This probably has been the worst year of mine so far.Heres all thhe bad things that have happened:
•I started off the year with findiing out my dad and his girlfriend of 2years had just broken up( i was really close to her)
•I got depressed (no one noticed)
•I started cutting (friends found out)
•Got worse (still no one noticed)
•Started not caring about anything inluding school
•Failed a class for...

Christmas was ok. Pretended im happy, and better. It all just seemed like a blur. Too much happy people. I almost tricked myself for a while that i was happy. I don't think im ever going to get better. I wish i was. Felt so low yesterday. ive felt like that all of last week too. I was (somewhat) a little happier for about 2 weeks. I actually believed i would get better. yeah right, i don't think im ever gonna be better or happy.
All i wanted to do yesterday was to be alone and cut. I didnt....