Last Tuesday i had a phychiatrist appointment, prescibed me antidepressants/ anxiety pills. Started them today. Didnt want to, they won't help anyways I lied to the phychiatrist just like i do everyone else about wanting/tring to kill myself. Just said no, and tried to look like i would never do that. I just kept on keeping the truth from him. I wish i could just stop lying, and i wish everyone would just forget im alive. Or if i could disapear that would be nice. Im tired of lying. But my parents...

I just realized today that im failing 3 of my classes. I have an F and 2 D's. The F is in math which is normally my best class. My parents are going to kill me. I wish it was literal. My grades were fine for the first quarter of the year. But now they are dropping again. I might have my phone or internet taken away because of it. Id rather they take away my phone. I couldnt live with them taking away my internet. I hope they don't.

I was doing good with not cutting i...

I went to counseling yesterday. Met the lady who im going to be seeing for 6 or more months. Her name is Jill. she is nice enough. She told me i can't stop going to her unless i stop cutting and havent cut for 6 months.And i have to be happy again. Thats never gonna happen. She asked if i have thought about or attempted suicide i said no. I sort of wish i had told her the truth but i couldnt. She would have to tell my parents. They can't know about it. They wouldnt understand.

I...

It would be so much easier for everyone to live if i was dead. I just take up space. Today everyone has treated me like i don't do anything.

i just can't handle life anymore. I just want to say bye to all of my friends on TH and everyone else. Im gonna try to live but i can't make promises. No one is gonna read this anyways. No one will even notice or care that im gone. I don't have many friends. i don't deserve friends. I don't deserve to be loved. im just a horible, and pathetic...

today was awful.. My great aunt who had cancer died today.. it was really sad..

also i found out i can't talk to my friend ashleigh anymore. shes a grown up.. i can't talk or see her til im 'better'.. that will never happen. because im so stupid.. im really mad at my dad.. he told her that.. i have to talk to him tomorrow..

i have spend the last hour crying into a pillow so my dad won't hear.. i hoped id sufficate. but i didnt..

Everyone would be happy...

Im so stupid. i want to kill myself again. i don't care anymore. i have cut 2 days in a row.I want to cut the deepest i can. i wish i could die. i noticed a couple days ago im so selfish.. everyone would be happy if i died.
I feel like i have done everything wrong in the past couple days. i can't do anything right.Everyone gets mad at me. Does anyone else ever feel like this?

School starts in almost a week. i don't want to go to school were i have to pretend im happy, and...

i am a lot better. I do not want to kill myself any more. and i have not cut for 2 weeks. but i still want to cut. my depression is still bad. but i don't want to see a therapist.


My mom is really annoying me lately. she thinks that i miss her all the time, after like 1 minute of being a way from her. its gotten really annoying.

I have like 5 weeks before i go back to school. i don't want to. because whenever i go to school, i just have to pretend...

sorry but i cut once again yesterday. i cut deeper than i ever have.i feel really guilty.but the thing is that i want to cut again.i might.i probably will.

can't i just cut so deep that i die.i wish.or do something that could kill me.i might kill myself soon.

i told someone.i told them about my depression and my cutting.i was so scared,but i did .she promised not to tell my parents.but she convinced me to tell my dad. i might not though.i have a feeling he will get mad. i am going to go talk to the counselor at my school first.

when i woke up this morning i was very suicidal.i still am.i promised someone i would be alive til monday. but after that i will . unless someone convinces me that there's a reason to live .which i bet they...