I wrote this a couple weeks ago.

She always tries to be her best,
But they scrutinize her every move,
She tries to be nice,
They say she's a bully,
She tries to get good grades,
They're never good enough,
She tries to be good at things,
They say she messes it up,
And by "they" its always just herself,
Thinking she's never good enough

I hope everyone likes it.

Last Tuesday i had a phychiatrist appointment, prescibed me antidepressants/ anxiety pills. Started them today. Didnt want to, they won't help anyways I lied to the phychiatrist just like i do everyone else about wanting/tring to kill myself. Just said no, and tried to look like i would never do that. I just kept on keeping the truth from him. I wish i could just stop lying, and i wish everyone would just forget im alive. Or if i could disapear that would be nice. Im tired of lying. But my parents...

I just realized today that im failing 3 of my classes. I have an F and 2 D's. The F is in math which is normally my best class. My parents are going to kill me. I wish it was literal. My grades were fine for the first quarter of the year. But now they are dropping again. I might have my phone or internet taken away because of it. Id rather they take away my phone. I couldnt live with them taking away my internet. I hope they don't.

I was doing good with not cutting i...

I went to counseling yesterday. Met the lady who im going to be seeing for 6 or more months. Her name is Jill. she is nice enough. She told me i can't stop going to her unless i stop cutting and havent cut for 6 months.And i have to be happy again. Thats never gonna happen. She asked if i have thought about or attempted suicide i said no. I sort of wish i had told her the truth but i couldnt. She would have to tell my parents. They can't know about it. They wouldnt understand.

I...

It would be so much easier for everyone to live if i was dead. I just take up space. Today everyone has treated me like i don't do anything.

i just can't handle life anymore. I just want to say bye to all of my friends on TH and everyone else. Im gonna try to live but i can't make promises. No one is gonna read this anyways. No one will even notice or care that im gone. I don't have many friends. i don't deserve friends. I don't deserve to be loved. im just a horible, and pathetic...

today was awful.. My great aunt who had cancer died today.. it was really sad..

also i found out i can't talk to my friend ashleigh anymore. shes a grown up.. i can't talk or see her til im 'better'.. that will never happen. because im so stupid.. im really mad at my dad.. he told her that.. i have to talk to him tomorrow..

i have spend the last hour crying into a pillow so my dad won't hear.. i hoped id sufficate. but i didnt..

Everyone would be happy...

Im so stupid. i want to kill myself again. i don't care anymore. i have cut 2 days in a row.I want to cut the deepest i can. i wish i could die. i noticed a couple days ago im so selfish.. everyone would be happy if i died.
I feel like i have done everything wrong in the past couple days. i can't do anything right.Everyone gets mad at me. Does anyone else ever feel like this?

School starts in almost a week. i don't want to go to school were i have to pretend im happy, and...

i am a lot better. I do not want to kill myself any more. and i have not cut for 2 weeks. but i still want to cut. my depression is still bad. but i don't want to see a therapist.


My mom is really annoying me lately. she thinks that i miss her all the time, after like 1 minute of being a way from her. its gotten really annoying.

I have like 5 weeks before i go back to school. i don't want to. because whenever i go to school, i just have to pretend...

sorry but i cut once again yesterday. i cut deeper than i ever have.i feel really guilty.but the thing is that i want to cut again.i might.i probably will.

can't i just cut so deep that i die.i wish.or do something that could kill me.i might kill myself soon.

i told someone.i told them about my depression and my cutting.i was so scared,but i did .she promised not to tell my parents.but she convinced me to tell my dad. i might not though.i have a feeling he will get mad. i am going to go talk to the counselor at my school first.

when i woke up this morning i was very suicidal.i still am.i promised someone i would be alive til monday. but after that i will . unless someone convinces me that there's a reason to live .which i bet they...