It's raining. It started raining overnight. I know, because I kept waking up, because I was too warm, and then my blankets would feel funny, and I'd realised I'd stripped them back to down by my knees or something of the sort. Also, my goosedown stuffed blanket has seceded from my bed, temporarily, and even without that, I was still too hot! Seriously. It's WINTER here.

Today seems a fair bit cooler than last night and I'm moderately glad. It's been raining pretty much all day, which...

...

I feel like I'm going to crumble, that I'm going to blow away in the wind like dust. I'm so there at the moment. I'm just so so so so tired. I'm just ready to burry myself in the covers and never come out. Not to eat and not to talk.

I'm just so tired of being so different. I'm just so tired of never fitting in, never feeling like I belong. I just want to give up. Lock away everything and just pretend that it's all right, that I don't exist.

Like, now I have to deal...

If you guys ever need someone to talk to, I'm a great listener and I'll help as well as I can.


~Kayla.

Yesterday, I had therapy. I really needed it, the voice was screaming at me, constantly.
"Your not good enough! Get off your fat ass and loose some weight! As long as your thin, nothing else matters! You want to be perfect, right?!" Etc, etc etc.

I was reading something a while ago about how it doesn't matter if your thin if your dead, and immediatly my eating disorder says: "Who cares if your dead as long as your thin. The thinnest. I know you would do anything...

Source: Notice | Facilitated Chat Room Discussions.


There are three scheduled discussions on the topic of building positive relationships in the Chat Room for users to seek advice and share thoughts and ideas! The first discussion will be held at 8pm UK time (BST), the second will be held at 8pm Eastern US time (EDT), and the third will be held...

I'm one of those weird people that doesn't have a problem with ants in my room. The thing is, ants come, they pick up your waste, and when there's nothing left, then they fuck off. So, unless they're stealing something tasty that I want, I genuinely have no problem with ants.

Also, recycling doesn't go out until Monday night, so I haven't had a chance to get rid of my empty cans etc. since I got back from hospital. And, also, I move on Tuesday! It's awfully close now, I'm excited....

ok, so i thought everything was fixed and cool and fine, whatever you wanna say. my grandpa got me out of the house and away from my mom, finally, i thought everything was going to get better, but now i have to go back cause hes being a douche bag! hes power tripping and being completely (sorry to cliche the old 'angry teen' line) unfair. he claims that hes the 'parent' in the situation and that hes only trying to help. well, keeping me an extra 15 minutes on the phone when im supposed to be at...

im having all these thoughts about why i did what i did like why am i so unhappy why did i try to commit suicide. also why do i have a eating disorder why do i cut. why am i bi. why did my friend kill herself. im just so confused about everything going on in my life is it normal

So I haven't been to community work for about a month. I'm probably going to get a warning for breach sometime soon, but I'm waiting until I've moved to Manurewa (moving next Tuesday) then I'm going to organise with Manurewa probation to do it pretty much full-time and get it out of the way.

I reported in for supervision, it's all good, they guy has changed me to fortnightly reportings - yay, a vote of confidence from somewhere at least.

He asked all the usual questions....