got plastered today, starting at 930 am, got away from pain for awhile, its back, i dont know what to do, should i cut? drink more? i dont know, i might just give up weed and start up drinking or cutting again, i have no clue man, my head is messed up

I'm speechless
Feel numb, like I'm easily going to be triggered
Dreading school on Monday
People are going to laugh at me as they saw me in town today, after the match, in my gear.
So close to recovery, don't think I could take that
Almost kissed her today... on the 3rd goal from a 3-0 down comeback (we lost 4-3) and I think she knows
I fucking love her and she knows
I wish she loved me back...
I wish she wasn't as straight as a pole...
I wish...

I have this sitting beside me right now. My brother and I are splitting on the price of that and some wine to give to my dad for Christmas. Inside you fill out every day the date and time, duration, unusual characteristics, and draw a picture of your poo. I think he'll like it. You even get a cool poo fact for every day and there's loads of interesting information at the start of the book. Consider this my revenge for...

Source: Notice | Facilitated Chat Room Discussions.


There are three scheduled discussions on the topic of self harm in the Chat Room for users to seek advice and share thoughts and ideas! The first discussion will be held at 8pm UK time (GMT/UTC), the second will be held at 8pm Eastern US time (EST), and the third will be held at 8pm Pacific US time (PST). All you have to do to take part is log...

Dear Daddy,

I haven't called you that in awhile, but I know you love it when I do. I wanted you to know that I'll always be your little girl. The girl you never understood, but always stayed up late talking to, because you missed me and you knew I missed you. I loved our movie nights when we went to every Harry Potter movie and I took you to Breaking Dawn with me, because you wanted to see werewolves. I love it when you let me listen to my music as loud as I want in the house....

Dear Mommy,

I wish I could call you that again, but I just don't feel like I could. We aren't close like we used to be. I don't feel like I can tell you anything, without you giving me that "Oh God, you're hopeless aren't you" look. I want you to tell me you're proud of me, you never have and I feel like you never will. I want you to say "You'll do great in college," not "What are you going to do, when you drop out?" Please, Mom at least act like you...

I can't do anything right.
My words are always wrong.
My actions always misplaced.
My heart set for disgrace.
It is just too late for me to make up anything now.
I never saw myself as an addict cutter, or an addict to pain.
But now I am.
I like cutting myself.
I like the rush of pain.
And you know what?
I don't want to change it.
I just want the pain.

Was supposed to be going to Asda around now to get Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part Two on DVD. But I just called the store and they said they won't have it till the morning.
I won't have time to watch it if I get it in the morning. I've got a driving lesson just before 12, a psych appointment then at half 2. I don't want to wait till 4 to watch it, that's ages.
I'm also working tomorrow night so I'll probably be just as exhausted as I am now by this time tomorrow.
...

Most of you will think this is weird.
I don't care.
Progress...
Sweet sweet revenge on this depression...
Didn't realize until I was in bed last night going through my day...
I said to myself 'when I have a house'
WHEN!!!!!!!!!
It shows that subconciously I can see a future!
That sounds more mad...
But to me this makes sense...
I have hope...
On the outside I may be struggling to see it.
But that doesn't matter...
If...