>_< I don't want to be here right now, I need to get the hell out.... hurting so badly but no one listens, they don't care :/

I've been talking to this girl recently...
Like me, she cuts...
We met on the internet ages ago and have been talking everyday for months and months.
I thought she was like me... I thought she cut as a way to survive...
She hadn't cut for 4 weeks because of a swimming thing... She's been caught so she couldn't or they'd know...
Well I asked her how long it's been and she said 4 weeks but I'm going to cut after my last swim...
I told her why doesn't she keep...

I'm ripped to shreds...
I don't even regret it...
At least I feel good now...
I'm just addicted to this pain...
At least I know it makes me happy...
And I guess that's my reason to not stop...
Sorry to disappoint... Turns out I'm weaker than I thought...

Bryan. Bryan Erik Rumbo + Hope. Hope ShyAnne Denney = LOVE

At least it did. Supposedly. I don't even know if we were ever in love.

I'm screwed up.,

But I wont go back to him

He liked only the chase.

Screw him. Im done with excuses.

Im moving on.

So I'm moving in with my dad and my brother.
I'm fucked. :|

Not used by blade in 2 months...
Need it now... Need it bad...
Can't find it...
Don't know what to do...
Need pain... Need release...
Don't know where to look...
Real bad at finding things...
What's the point though?
Might as well not bother... Let myself explode...
Should just let myself go... bam

Last night I cut myself. First time in a long time. I don't remember why, or how. but its all the way up my arm. Today I woke up feeling... different. At peace somehow... Whats wrong with me?

I'm in the middle of a binge. I don't know what to do. I'm so confused. I want to be happy, but when I'm eating normally I'm not happy. I'm happy when I'm binging because I just forget about everything except the food, but I feel insanely guilty afterwards. I feel happy when I'm starving because I feel strong. But I can't keep that up. I always fail. I don't know how to be happy without being at these extremes.

And I've stopped eating right now, and I haven't eaten too much but I...

Too tired...
Too much work..
Too much other stuff to do...
Need breaks but can't take them...
Detention a possibility in every subject...
Not enough hours to do everything I need too...
Don't know how much ore I can take of this...
Not sure how to keep going y'know...
I'm becoming a zombie...
Can't breathe...
Can't think...
Can't eat...
Just need to sleep...