I realized today I might be crazy. Not the kind I always knew I am-in short, not the good kind. The bad kind. Voices in my head? Kind of. If imaginary 'friends'-such as book characters-that follow me around twenty-four seven count. I've always known they weren't real, and that it was all in my head and everything, but it...comforted me to know they were there. I've never really been close to anyone, I've always been alone.... Sure, I had my family. But I'm different than they are, not as...confident...

Spider under my draws, not even scared of them but this is terrifiying...
It has 3 ways out, 3 ways to die...
But which way?
It has to come out before mother sees... she'll on freak and stress me more...
But it won't leave... And I really want it to go...
Don't want to be a murderer, but it needs to go to heaven...
I'm all itchy...
And Shivering...
And what if it has eggs?
How will we cope with spider babies when mother screams from money spiders......

So, on Monday my back pack was in my Drama class, while I was on stage practicing.
I come back to find my wallet gone..
Contents:$20 , two free movie tickets to any game, libary card, CA id card, School ID card, Rite aid wellness card, my hotmail password, emerangy contact.


So, I went home pissed the hell out. I changed my password, but that deleted my writing.EVERYTHING!!!! All my plays, stories, poems & songs. Including the novel I was working on.. >...

I don't know what to do right now. After that argument last night. I was this close to killing myself. And every time he said those words I died a little inside. I don't want him to leave me. I want the certainty we had before. I hope I get that back.

But do I still carry on? Can I do it on my own?

ive been dating this guy and we have decided to have sex hes i worreid btoiu how much it will hurt because hes like really big and i dont know if my cherrys poped. i also dont know hw much ill bleed and do i really have to take the pill for the fortst time my boy friend has had sex before so i dont thignk hes goignto hurt me. but i dont want to have bad sex with him this will be my first time and i belive my bf will be on top. what shoudl i do to learn how to please my parnter in sex and not get...

so the one time i posted on my blog, no one commented, i want some feedback!
...

she never slows down
she doesnt know why but she knows
that when shes all alone feels like its all coming down
she wont turn around
the shadows are long and she fears that if she crys that first tear
the tears will not stop
raining down

- stand in the rain by superchic[k]

i sit there
staring
unmoving as a rock
as i watch you
catting
giggling
enjoying the company of your other classmates
oh how you've changed!
we used to be closer than the sun and sky
inseperable
we were woven
a mess of the strings that make life
all tangled
now i watch you finding others
others to send your strings into
and im scared
you know everything about me
and me you
how could you just...

i came for support, i cut and have for almost a year and i want to stop. please help?