Can i have 1 full day being happy? Please. I'd give anything.
Most of my day has been fine, i was in an ok mood, went with my friend, actually had fun. But now the depression is setting back in. I thought maybe for 1 day i could be happy and have no urges to SH. But no. I just want to slice my skin over and over. Just this once i miss it so much, i just want to feel the pain that i deserve. I need to cut. The urges are getting too bad, i don't think i can handle it. Maybe i'll give in just...

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...

Yesterday was crazy. I was supposed to have a relaxing day at Jon's house, and we were going to have the house to ourselves all day because his whole family was going out. Well, that changed at the last second. The company Jon's dad works for was having a big company picnic for all the employees and their families, hence Jon and I having the house to ourselves. Nope, we ended up going to the picnic with them. Thank god it was held inside and outside; it was like a big giant garage really, it held...

Just sneezed. I keep sneezing at inopportune times. I don't think it's the smoking, although that may contribute. The cold weather probably has more to do with it.

I went to WINZ and the guy told me that the doctor wrote the wrong things on my medical certificate, so I have to go back to the doctor's this Wednesday to see if she will give me a medical certificate with the right things written on it. Then drop it off to WINZ, but see if I can see somebody to make sure the next steps...

Source: Notice | Facilitated Chat Room Discussions.


There are three scheduled discussions on the topic of achieving positive body image in the Chat Room for users to seek advice and share thoughts and ideas! The first discussion will be held at 8pm UK time (BST), the second will be held at 8pm Eastern US time (EDT), and the third will be held at 8pm Pacific...

Great timing there period.
Could've waited 2weeks surely?
No.
Revision not happening now, just pain.
Thanks for that.

No matter how many times people try to convince me otherwise, no matter how many times I try to convince myself otherwise, I always feel in my heart that I'll never be good enough. That no matter how hard I try it'll never be enough. That I'll never succeed. That nothing will ever change for me.

I go through periods of doing good. Today was one of my better days in THREE WEEKS. But I know it won't last. It never lasts. I've been so depressed lately even though I never show it, everything...

Crying again.
Third time today.
Live for one thing. Want it to go away and leave me.
I just want to be left along to die. And not feel guilty!

In somewhat chronological order :P

So I went to the doctor, who filled out a medical certificate no fuss, although she said that WINZ will want me to go to one of their doctors to be assessed. I'm not too bothered, I've fulfilled my obligation, I'll have everything I need for my appointment on Friday.

Got cigarettes and topped up my phone prior to going to the doctors. Felt poor. Oh well.

Then I came home and messed around online for a while, waiting...

RIP little buddy, I'm going to miss you.
I know my parents keep saying you were just a cat but i loved you so much, you were like a friend. I always joked with nan saying i was taking you to uni with me, but you don't know how much i wish i was. I'm really going to miss just sitting and talking to you, I could tell you anything and you weren't going to saying anything back of]r think badly of me and i loved that.

I love you <3 xx