I had to drop the theatre class I was going to be taking over the winter. I was stupid and didn't look at the course description well enough so I didn't realize that I would have to attend a play. That wouldn't be a problem it it were a full-semester class, but winter session classes are only 3 weeks long which is too short notice. I feel so stupid and hate myself for not noticing that earlier. This sets my plan back even more and now I feel like I'm never going to get to where I want to be....

I have felt so bad about myself lately. I have gained so much weight it is ridiculous. I am now definitely overweight and this just doesn't feel good or healthy for me but yet I eat anyway and don't exercise and don't do anything to stop it and then keep feeling bad about myself when I gain weight. I'm so fat and have so many stretchmarks it's so gross. I am so gross in general. My teeth are bad and I have acne and eczema and my hair is wild and never tame and I have no style. I am selfish and disappointed...

I've had a lot going on lately. I'm probably going to forget to mention some of the things, but that's okay.

My APRN wants me to wean off the Gabapentin so I can just be on the Effexor. I don't have to follow any strict routine to do it. She basically just said to take it as needed from now on until I'm out of it and talk to her if anything happens. So far I'm not taking it on Thursday-Sunday anymore because nothing anxiety inducing happens those days. On Monday-Wednesday I am only...

I feel like a worthless human being and a waste of space. I am fat and ugly. I keep saying I need to diet then stuff my face. I am useless. I don't know how to do anything on my own and I honestly probably wouldn't survive on my own. I can't cook for myself, clean for myself, do laundry, etc.

Everyone keeps telling me to get out more. Everyone. They keep saying how it's not good for me to not get out a lot and how I should be socializing and networking and making connections. And maybe...

Constantly in a state of tired and depressed or anxious.

I somehow opened up to my coworker about how I am feeling and how I am doing and how I am on meds. Well, I didn't tell him that I cut. I just said depression and anxiety have been acting up lately. He agreed to not tell my dad but based on how I am feeling he really wants me to call my APRN.

I don't know if it'd be worth it. She can't really do anything. I can't go in to see her because I work and she can't adjust...

I feel like such a worthless human being right now. I can't help but think back to everything that has gone wrong or think of any little stupid thing I have done even back years from now in elementary school. And there are so many of those things. It's not fun.

There are people out there that are so much smarter than me, so much prettier than me, so much better than me at everything overall. I'm just average, if that. I have a hard time doing simple tasks that anyone could do. I'm...

Work is literally killing me but I'm not going to quit or anything like that. I've made too much progress in my job to just blow it all now. But my week pretty much consists of me going to work, going home and taking a nap, waking up for dinner and a shower, then going back to bed for the night. Then my weekends are basically me sleeping in. I'm so tired of being exhausted.

I can't tell if work is bringing out my depression even worse, or if it's just making me tired or what. While...

Most of yesterday was a bad day.

It started out bright and early in the morning. My dad and I work in the same place but we stopped at the gas station beforehand. He parked the truck at one of the stations and went inside to give the people cash so he could pump. Well, the truck started rolling while I was inside of it. I guess it wasn't fully in the "park" gear or something. I don't know how to drive and forgot what to do in order to make it stop rolling so I got out of...

I've felt okay. Work has kept me pretty busy. My routine on the weekdays has become something like, wake up, go to work, come home and take a nap, wake up from nap to eat, then go to sleep soon after. It doesn't really give me much time to feel bad. Before I started work I felt suicidal, so I guess being kept busy is okay. I have had some triggers, but I've been mostly okay I guess. I do have my days. I also like all my coworkers so it's nice to joke around with them and talk. The job though, don't...

I've been just feeling like shit lately. I've been stressed or overwhelmed, or I've been anxious or depressed, or even both. I've had urges to self harm which I was able to avoid doing until last night. I am losing my motivation and I just need things to be over. I just need to sleep and do nothing else but I still have so much to do until the semester ends.

I don't know what is triggering this, and honestly nothing is going wrong, I just feel like shit so I guess my meds aren't working....