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Thing is, it's not overly messy, it just happens to be that due to me torrenting some stuff, there are some files that exist in two places, so I've been getting rid of the double-ups.

The thing is, I ended up in my downloads folder, which has basically never been cleaned, and I found . . . I found some very painful memories. Of my ex. A reference she got from my property manager so she could move into her own place - even though she'd hardly ever been listed on the tenancy agreement....

If you haven't read my past posts, you may not know about my mother situation. Actually, none of you know it fully anyways, so I'll just begin new.

I was taken from my mother when I was 9. My father caught her cheating and doing drugs. My relationship with her was always...iffy. Back then, it seemed like one day she would love us, and the next day she didn't seem to. She had issues. Anyhow, she died in 2000 (I think) from Aplastic Anemia. My father remarried in 1998. My...

There is a huge list of people who have had a rough life and often think about suicide. I myself, am not exempt from this list. My circumstances were different, just as everyone's are. I was actually trying to quit smoking by taking a prescription called Chantix. That pill worked for about 2 weeks, until other things in my life came along, which just added to it. I was going through a divorce with my ex-wife, but nothing I could do was good enough to fix our...

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Had been what? 2 months since my last cut. About 3 weeks since my last binge. But I lost it today, I mean really lost it.




I don't even know why. I think it's because I've been left home alone for 3 days in a row. The binging, pretty sure that was boredom, I had to punish myself, I mean I HAD to. How could I not. I'm so fat. I can't believe I've let myself get like this. I need to starve. Need this pain from the cuts, don't know why I ever stopped,...

Well I'm off to another day at school. The popular girls have decided I'm their favourite this week. *sigh* but I just got a cat. He's three years old. Orange striped. His name is Leonard and he loves to cuddle. his purrer is broken though. It's so cute! I think I have it right this time. The family I'm in now is amazing. Now to just get the papers done. Yay more paperwork. Oh well. It's definitely
worth it. Things seem to be looking up.

But my urges and my anxiety are almost overwhelming me right now.

I just had a shower.
I did what I was supposed to do, I followed the sort-of routine we discussed.

Showering with no time-pressure meant that I noticed my scars. Specifically the ones on my upper arms. They're so ugly. They're that deep-purple colour that scars that are struggling to heal go. And they're . . . not new. Not old old, but longer ago than when I had stitches by at least a couple of...

worth the view.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ltun92DfnPY

Lots of people have this disorder, and half of them probably don't even know it. What is funny about this disorder is that it is easily fixed. I don't think medications or therapy is needed. Once you realize that somethings in life you just can not change, things seem to just get back to "normal".

What is normal? Hell, everyone has their own definition. I don't like the word "normal", mainly because nothing is "normal". Things/people are just...

Hello! My name is Randy Cutter and I am new to teenhelp.org. This is my blog about me and my life experiences. I have been through a lot in my life and only want to help others, with the life lessons that I have learned.

Just a little about myself....

I was born in Jacksonville, FL. I didn't live there long, as we moved around a lot. It seemed that each year we were in a different city or state. I believe a lot of this had to do with my father's job (we'll get...