I'm scared I'll start again. I really want to. I have this need that recently came back. It's been almost a year and it showed up now. I don't know what to do. I need help but I don't know how to ask. I'm afraid I'll disappoint everyone. If I start again everything will be better. I'll be relaxed, and calm. I'll get more sleep. I wont be up half the night thinking if I should or shouldn't I don't know anymore.

So, those of you who were in chat with me last night know I was supposed to go to an art group this morning. I had figured it probably started around 10am, so here's what happened:

I was laying in bed, just after 10am, thinking, maybe it's in the afternoon. When my cellphone rang. Or rather, someone called my mobile and it lit up and vibrated. So I answered. It was Trish, the key worker of my old flatmate, asking if she could bring around a potential new flatmate this morning. I told...

Get the picture? I'm not okay.

And I don't know why.

Last night I had to call Live Help because I wanted to cut and even though I was outwardly, and maybe inwardly calm, my brain was telling me to take the pills.

Today I got that weird chest feeling again and cut a lot and I can't calm down and I want to cut some more and I was supposed to be asleep...

Well, I'm now pretty sure that the no number calls I missed last Wednesday were from McDonalds and that I haven't got the job as a result. I've been checking metime every day, but it still just gives me the date that my interview was, which is now 16 days ago . . . so I'm pretty sure I didn't get that, and I'm really worried that whatever the calls I missed last Wednesday were, they're important. Freaking out about that. They definitely weren't from Judy because I asked her about it and she said...

We've all gotten that one text that just makes our shoulders drop in disappointment. For some, like me, we've gotten it more than once. I text quite often...I've gotten plenty of disappointing texts from lots of different people. "I hate you." "F*ck you b*tch." "Why are we always fighting?!" and even "Yay! I'm so glad we're friends again!!" (when I was trying to get rid of this girl who thinks she's my best friend, but really, I never liked her from the start.)...

It's been a year Peter, I miss you so much, I still remember the moment I heard the bad news like it was yesterday, the pain of it all.

Makes me think of just going, joining you. Everything has been so hard lately, I just want to give up. No one cares, i'm just this stupid person thats going no where and means nothing to anyone anymore. I don't what to be in this place where I don't fit in, can't stop thinking about the pills. :/

Source: Notice | Facilitated Chat Room Discussions.


There are three scheduled discussions on the topic of living with mental illness in the Chat Room for users to seek advice and share thoughts and ideas! The first discussion will be held at 8pm UK time (GMT/UTC), the second will be held at 8pm Eastern US time (EST), and...

Okay so first things first.

MY RIGHT ARM IS INCREDIBLY SORE. Not from self-harm or anything like that. The other night, I was hanging with Nikki, and I saw she had a 4kg dumbbell. I asked her how many reps she could do, and she said 13 (later on she managed about 25), and we decided to see how many I can do. Anyway I got up to 60 before she told me to stop as I was embarrassing her. I didn't feel anything at the time buuuuut . . .

On Friday I woke up with a very stiff...

I barely slept, I'm not tired. I got out of bed because I had a phone call, realised I had no chance of falling asleep again anyway, and just got on with my day. As much as turning on a laptop and playing RuneScape can be considered getting on with one's day.

The phone call was kind of surreal actually. It was around 8:30am, maybe a little later - early for a phone call, mostly people wait until they're sure I'm awake. I'd been having a weird dream, because although I hadn't been...

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January 3rd: HAPPINESS: Use these seven exercises to increase your happiness and positive outlook for the new year! http://bit.ly/136B0Yu...