Went to the doctors yesterday, I've been given medication and I have to go and see a specialist about my blood pressure as it's high. I've got to go back tommorrow and in a week and I've still got to go the the Ear, throat and nose doctor on the 5th. :/ I hate this, I want it all to go away and nothing seem to be helping, I've already had loads of tests and seen several doctors and they still don't know what is wrong.

Finally back home after a long, boring, painful, and exhausting ride home. Had to walk a stupidly long route just get out of the bloody station and into town because the government have decided to close all the roads and paths into the station and dig up the road and keep it closed for 50 weeks. Yes, 50. I want to take whoever thought that up and bury them in one of their own pointless road holes.
Taxi on the way home going past where my papa lives (sorry, putting a d at the end of that was...

I need some time out to think, I need to decide whether being here is helping me or not atm with family and my future.
I love you all so much and you are amazing people, but right now I feel like i'm just lying to my family as I can't tell them about TH. I want them to be able to trust me and I feel like they can't when i'm lying and they know i am.

People who have me on fb may have noticed I've deactivated my account as it just distracts me from work and i need to concentrate...

There is so much I want to write but I just can't find the words. I just...I just feel horrible. I mean really horrible. I'm exhausted. I'm trying so hard I really am but it just doesn't seem to be good enough. I'm not good enough. I miss my best friend. I miss talking to her. She knew just what to say.

I can't face school tomorrow. I just don't know how...

I'm just aching so much, I have a constant headache which will suddenly get so bad that i just want to cry and do nothing. My ears are hurting so badly, I can't lie down without going dizzy and I just can't concentrate on anything.
I've had this for months and I'm fed up, I've got to wait until march to see the ENT doctor. I really want this sorted.

Also I've had an awful day, everythings just getting to me, I don't see the point in anything anymore, I'm just giving up.

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My moto about youtube.
Watch it.
Love it.
Live it. (or the maker of SOPA will kill you)
He wil aslo kiel you if yuo spele stfuf wron.....


Yeah I agree if you said what I just typed was stupid.

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place,
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you?
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you're screaming?

No, you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost...

The fact that the scales are gone is freaking me out.

I was doing better. I was eating more. I was thinking less. I was feeling happier.

Now I'm triggered. Seriously triggered. I need those scales. I need to know I'm not gaining.

I don’t know what the fuck to do.

Well I do.

I know exactly what to do.

Yup, hello no food. Hello laxatives and stomach cramps. Hello exercising all night. Hello drinking shit loads...

I went to my therapist appointment and she wants me to see a psychiatrist. If I see a psychiatrist, my mom would only want me to see her once because we can't afford to see both a therapist and psychiatrist, and my mom still thinks nothing's wrong with me.
I'd be seeing the psychiatrist for self harm and a possible diagnosis of depression. My mom is a shitty listener and didn't hear the depression part until I told her, and my mom pretty much got pissed off and said that I really must be...