Prom tonight. As if I wasn't already nervous enough, J is being a dick.

Fashionably late.

I don't want to be late.

I want to know what time he's coming to get me.

I hate feeling this anxious. I'm scared. I was already scared.

He's been dating me for over a year. Surely he knows what I'm like? It's not even a big thing, either. I just want to get there on time and I want to know when he'll be picking me up.

I think I have finally snapped, finally broken.

Suddenly i just want to cut and bleed everywhere, I want to scream in the face of the people who have hurt me, to drink until i can't stand up. And then to finally take all those pills and actually succeed at it this time ....
I'm not the strong person they think I am, i'm broken, I can't be fixed anymore.

I can't take the pain or the urges for any longer.. i'm sorry..

For a couple hours I was happy.
Now my depression is coming back.......................
I am so alone
I have ruined everything
It is all my fault
I am so so sorry

I cant live like this

Today was a lot better than yesterday. Except that I've eaten too much.

It makes me angry, just how little self control I have.

I wish I could just stop eating.

I feel so bloated and fat right now and I hate it.

Prom tomorrow. I'm trying to act cheerful but I'm terrified. I don't want to dress up in front of people. I want to stay at home in bed.

I might not eat tomorrow. I'll be the thin girl who has so much self control...

I don't know what to think right now.

I don't know how to act.

I don't know what to do.

I'm considering dropping a load of the things I've said I'd do, loads of the writing. And then sitting down and completing the other stuff, so that it's done.

But that takes so much effort.

I just want to sleep.

Baby sitting is cancelled. So I'm going to my sister's singing thing and I don't earn any money.

The cuts are healing, perhaps in time for prom on Tuesday, although I doubt it. Well, they're healed enough to cover them with concealer now.

I've got a new pair of shoes. First pair of shoes I can honestly say I've fallen in love with.

I've done nothing today. Well, I've answered some threads on here, welcomed a couple of people, posted some VMs. But no real...

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I thought yuu were differnt. I thought yuu were there for me but yuu used me. Everyone else left. Yuu arent my friend Alyss. No no I am alone again.
i just want my blodd. Noone else.
Fuck i miss yuu bryan..mfml

Ugh, I just feel fat.

I wish I didn't have them all watching over me.

Eat this, eat that.

Don't eat this, don't eat that.

Lose more. Be perfect. Hurry up. Too slow.

Too fast. Not possible. Scales wrong.

You're perfect.

You look pregnant.

Change.

Don't change.

Hi everone and welcome to my blog.