I'm staying away from advice here right now. I'll still blog, I guess.

It's just so triggering. It makes me want to cut and starve and kill myself.

But I like to help people, so I come on anyway.

I've been happier lately, but it's weird. Thinspo is keeping me happy. Eating barely anything is keeping me happy. I'm desperately trying to lose weight so I'm happier.

But what if I fail? What if I gain?

First session with Pete...

Source: Newsletter | Issue 14 | If you would like to receive the full quality HTML version via email please sign up.


TeenHelp Newsletter #14 - May 15th 2011 - http://www.teenhelp.org

Welcome to the TeenHelp Newsletter! Our Newsletter contains a lot of useful information about our current work, including updates to our site and services, work with our partners and affiliates, details of upcoming events, short bits of advice, interesting...

I hate the debate forums on here. All of my arguments get slashed to peices. Is there something wrong with my way of thinking? Why am I the only person who has my point of view?

Source: Notice | Facilitated Chat Room Discussions.


There are three scheduled discussions on the topic of dealing with parents in the Chat Room for users to seek advice and share thoughts and ideas! The first discussion will be held at 8pm UK time (BST), the second will be held at 8pm Eastern US time (EDT), and the third will be held at 8pm Pacific US time (PDT). All you have to do to take part is log into the Chat...

I binged this morning.
I'm so stupid.
No more snacks today. Half my lunch, which hopefully will just be soup anyway, and then maybe see if I can get away with three quarters of whatever my mum serves for dinner, no second helpings and no pudding.
Sounds doable.
Ugh. I hate my body.

...

I'm tired. I think I'll get some food and go to bed.
I need a hug from someone.
I'm lonely.
But I feel weird. I've been irritable, hyper and sometimes really down all week. It's odd and annoying.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! MY MUM HAS ME TOTALLY SUSSED! SHE KNOWS THEYRE SELF HARM AND SHE KNOWS I THEN MOVED TO MY STOMACH! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! I FEEL LIKE CRYING! IM SOOOOOOOOO SCARED SHE'S GOING TO CHECK AND I'VE STOPPED FOR AGEEEEEES! I DON'T OVERLY NEED TO NOW, I KNOW MORE THAN EVER THAT I CAN'T! BUT IM SO STRESSED AND ITS THIS TYPE OF THING THAT MAKES ME NEED 2! I HATE MYSELF FOR ALL THIS! I HATE HER FOR TALKING ABOUT IT! I JUST HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT! I CAN'T HELP BUT WANT TO END IT...

I swear everyone hates me! I have a total of 0 friends in most of my classes and I feel such a loser, it's so embarrasing to sit at the front, on a 4 people desk, all on your own! All I want to do is cut my arm - so badly! I fucking hate my mum and nan for noticing and saying something, why can't they fucking leave me alone, I swear it's her that made me like this, all over me... it drove me to SH! I'm not her perfect daughter like she thinks, I want alcohol, drugs, sex and just to rebel! I wish...

Today hasn't been too bad. I've cheered up a bit.
It feels like I'm on an up. Well, that's good. But I hope I don't crash until my exams have finished.
I'm getting a little addicted to the site babydow, but it doesn't take up too much time in the day, so that's good.
I'm gonna have a relaxing evening tonight. I'm so tired.