Dear my "best friends"

Please stop texting about me when i'm sitting with you and talking about me behind my back and then denying it, things are hard enough for me as it is. I know you know that, you've seen the cuts.

Sincerely, I can see your text in the window... >_<

I don't even know why im writing this. No one even cares.. Maybe i should stop posting. Im just selfish.

My parents are thinking about taking my door off its hinges. Or taking me to a hospital. (i don't want to go, but they've told me they would take me if i needed it) They probably thing im crazy, and that theres something wrong with me. My parents want me to talk but i can't more secrets will slip out. Im so tired of this. I don't want to talk at all anymore. Maybe i should just...

My second therapy session went well. Last time I was there, S said that she wanted to talk to my parents. She even told them that she wanted to talk to them, and then either she forgot, or she just didn't. If she didn't, it meant it was probably for the LGBT issue, and I told her not to. My mom wanted to talk to her today too so I was freaking out the entire time, but then SHE forgot. Interesting.
My therapist said I was making progress on my perfectionism, but I don't think so. It's just...

I'm still figuring out teen help.
I'm actually remembering a time when I thought about joining, because I thought about becoming bulimic (I wasn't comfortable in my body, I'm still not.)

Anyways.
Let me explain the name George.
I got George from my grandpa, he use to call me George just to bother me. I miss him so much. He didn't survive after surgery for stoumach cancer.

I can't spell for shit, and I swear a lot, so I'm sorry.

I'm...

I was gonna write a blog entry, but I don't know what to say.

Don't know what to feel.

Don't know how to cope.

I'm restricting again. It really messes up my mind. I honestly can't think straight.

So why am I doing this?

Not to get skinny. Not really. I don't care, I'll always look awful.

I don't know why I'm doing this.

My hands are so cold.

I want to give up on my school work...

Im so scared. I have a counselling appointment with both of my parents there. To talk about me wanting and trying to kill myself, lying, and me cutting again. Im gonna cry. Show weakness. I hope i can make it through the appointment. I hate my life so much right now. I wish i could just disapear for a month or two.

I promised my parents i wouldnt cut but i don't think i can keep that promise. Its so tempting to cut. Just to feel the pain, and blood will make me calm. It will help....

I almost got in a fight.
With who? Micah Adams.
I waa wearing her ex-boyfriends sweater. That's it. She slammed a desk into me. I didn't do anything. Neither did the teacher.


I don't really want to talk about it. It's just another thing making me realize I'm just a problem.

Man, this whole day..
Just gotta stay heartless.

...

This wasn't supposed to happen, I'm not supposed to be in so much pain....it should have worked :/

Yep, I hate my life. The one and only thing keeping me going is Jon. Jon never fails to comfort and encourage me, but then mom comes in and tears down the walls of hope he helps me build.

She says I have no life, she says I'm not good enough, she says I'll fail if I try, she says I'm never going to be anybody.

I'm nobody. I'm useless. I'm stupid for dreaming.

You know why I love being with Jon? He's the only person in the world capable of comforting me...