Went 9 days SH free, then 12. Then 3 days cutting in a row, the most recent being about 5 minutes ago. I've gone back to carrying a blade inside my phone case wherever I go. Its like a security blanket. Walking into school the other day my leg starting bleeding, I could feel the warmth seeping down my leg. Ffs.

Every time I smile enough to expose my teeth I instantly get so self concious I start digging my fingers into my cuts. I hate me so much.

One of my lessons...

Skipped school today. I have such an aversion to taking the bus in the morning and my mom couldn't take me today, so I sort of just sat in bed refusing to get dressed until I ran late. Not to mention I dropped my Kindle on my face and managed to cut my lip, and I gave myself a little bit of a fat lip. So my face hurt. And TH was down this morning.

Well, I DID start getting dressed after a while but either way it was too late and for some reason I was such an emotional wreck this...

I haven't been on in a while. I won't come up with some pathetic excuse, I just haven't been on.

I've had enough. I've had enough of hiding scars. I haven't worn anything short sleeved since august. Lack of sleep. Lack of food. Too much caffeine just so I can function. Screwed up mock exams. Intrusive suicidal thoughts. I've just had enough of everything. I. I. I.

School annoys me. I don't get angry. Its just not me. Ever. But this one teacher came up in conversation...

Source: Notice | Facilitated Chat Room Discussions.


There are two scheduled discussions on the topic of eating disorders in the Chat Room for users to seek advice and share thoughts and ideas! The first discussion will be held at 8pm UK time (GMT) and the second will be held at 8pm Central US time (CST). All you have to do to take part is...

i don't even know how i feel right now.. nor do i know why i'm really writing this. so many ups and downs that its all a jumble. last week i cut worse than i had in a while and i think it might be infected, i put antibiotic on it but its not gonna heal for a while.

the only thing that keeps me sane right now if music. everything else makes me anxious , i don't know why.. i feel as if i'm on the verge of a panic attack all the time.

i've learned recently that anyone...

Can't do this. Really can't do this. I'm so stupid and won't make it anywhere in life and ugh. Cried like twice today and it put my brain in such a haze. It always makes me so tired and sick feeling to cry. I can't think. I can't type. I just want to curl up and sleep. Getting a headache from the stress I'm under.

Skipped out on therapy on Friday because I just wanted to go home. I hope she still calls me down at some point this week. I she doesn't by Friday I'll probably give in...

Holy crap, it's like January 20th. I've been in respite since the evening of the 8th, so nearly two weeks now. My mood still hasn't lifted and the content of my thoughts is still highly destructive. It will probably be at least a fortnight before I'm properly active again. I am making attempts to check TH at least once a day, but as those of you with your own experiences if very severe depression will be aware, things get overwhelming very fast.

Anyway I thought I'd just update you...

It all hit me again. 65 in science isn't going to get improved because I realized from the start of everything that I can't do it and have more work for that class loaded on top of me to add on to all of it. Fun. Spent the other night crying because I realized how much of a failure I really am. Haven't studied. Any time I think about it I cry.

Math: Apparently what we are doing has a lot of "simple algebra" in it. Simple? God. I can't even do any of it.

...

I'm on holiday!
We came to Whinfell Forest for the weekend for my mum's birthday and it's pretty awesome. At the moment I'm just chilling myself at the villa we're staying in with some good music and a nice cold vodka. Bliss!
The villa is alright but seriously, my brother and I share a room and the storage space equates to one shelf and six hangers in a really tiny cupboard. Sooooo yeah. Couldn't really stay here longer than a weekend due to the fact there is no space for anything....

Source: Newsletter | Issue 46 | If you would like to receive the full quality HTML version via email please sign up.

TeenHelp Newsletter

TeenHelp Newsletter #46 - January 18th 2014 - http://www.teenhelp.org

Welcome to the TeenHelp Newsletter! Our Newsletter contains a lot of useful information about our current work, including updates to our site and services, work with our partners and affiliates, details of upcoming events, short...