im ready to cry right now im feeling so low and i dont even know why and it sucks. i wish that i knew why im feeling like this the thoughts of self harm are there but i have not acted on them yet and i dont want to. what the fuck is wrong with me

There's no holding back. I've been sitting in my room for a couple of hours, trying to distract myself. It's not working. I'm going to binge. God, I'm disgusting. Maybe I'll still be able to stop myself. Maybe it won't happen. Maybe I won't have the opportunity. But that's unlikely. Fat fat fat fat fat fat fat. That's all I am. Just fat and useless.

Hey guys(: so I was wanting to get my cartilage pierced sort of near the top but like on the side and i have a few questions.
1. How much does it hurt compared to a lobe piercing? (I was told that if you pinch your lobe and your cartilage, then the cartilage will hurt more, but the lobe hurts more to me)
2. I heard you really shouldn't get it don't by gun. What would happen if I did?
3. At my dads house I have a pool, how long until I will be able to swim again?...

...

Hmmm… It looks like I’m not really that good at blogging on a regular basis… If you looked up “Procrastination” in the dictionary, there would be a picture of me! Although, I have been pretty busy these past few months…

Nevertheless, over this next month I have almost nothing to do (yay!). So, after cleaning, reorganizing, and re-cleaning my room, I found a huge stack of old magazines that I’ve been saving for a couple years. Then I thought to myself, maybe I should actually do something...

I can't keep going. I can't. It's either overdosing or cutting or starving. I think I'll go with starving this time. It's the only thing on my mind. I can't put it off any longer.

There's no one to talk to about it. And I don't mean people on here. You're all lovely. Supportive. Wonderful. But I just want someone to hug me and tell me things are ok. I want someone to tell me I'm beautiful. But someone who knows me, who has seen me, who has talked to me. But they wouldn't, because...

So im still doing good. I haven't cut in 75 days, which is one day away from 10 weeks. 10 weeks ago i never would have imagined getting this long SH free. But i have and im proud of myself. I can make it past this. And i will. I have another therapy appointment in about a week. And for once i have nothing to hide. I like the new person i am seeing, so im actually looking forward to it.

I saw my friend L day before yesterday. The first time i saw her all summer. It was nice, being...

So, Linny's food bowl (the one in my room, he also has one in the main house) currently has no food in it because I don't want to open the new bag until I move, on Tuesday. But he's determined - he's currently pushing around the pieces to get to the crumbs he's left around and under the food bowl. I found it kind of funny, his determination. He's like, "fuck you I know there's food here somewhere! I can smell it!"

On the bright side, him clearing up his crumbs now means...

It's raining. It started raining overnight. I know, because I kept waking up, because I was too warm, and then my blankets would feel funny, and I'd realised I'd stripped them back to down by my knees or something of the sort. Also, my goosedown stuffed blanket has seceded from my bed, temporarily, and even without that, I was still too hot! Seriously. It's WINTER here.

Today seems a fair bit cooler than last night and I'm moderately glad. It's been raining pretty much all day, which...